Matrix Gazette

Woman in Sumo Wrestler Suit Assaults Ex-girlfriend for Waving at Man Dressed as Snickers Bar
By Tom White on May 8, 2023
A fancy dress party in one of Dublin's best known gay bars took a sinister turn when a woman attacked her...
Naked Man Does ‘Burnouts’ in Parking Lot With Stolen Ambulance
By Tom White on May 1, 2023
Police were first alerted to the situation in reports of an ambulance driven by a naked man, “doing burnouts” in a...
Inmate Disguises Himself as a Sheep to Escape Prison
By Tom White on February 20, 2023
José Luis Callisaya Diaz attempted to escape from Chonchocoro, a maximum security prison in Bolivia, by wrapping himself in sheepskin and...
Unattended Luggage Dept: Parents Leave Child at Airport
By Tom White on February 6, 2023
A couple attempted to board a plane after leaving their child at the airport check-in desk after refusing to buy the...
Police rapidly apprehend thief for stealing officer’s lunch!
By Tom White on January 31, 2023
An officer, from the Wyandotte Police Department in Michigan, was eating lunch in the breakroom when he was called to assist...
Norwegian Filmmaker Faces Prison for Stating Men Cannot be Lesbians
By Tom White on December 23, 2022
Lesbian filmmaker Tonje Gjevjon, faces up to three years in prison for suggesting that male-to-female transgender women are still men. (more…)
Giant Falling Rock Crushes Prius
By Tom White on January 14, 2023
MALIBU, California, Jan 1 - A California driver narrowly escaped death after a giant boulder tumbled down a hillside and crushed...
There, Now that $900,000 Painting Makes More Sense
By Tom White on December 3, 2022
A painting worth $900,000 has been destroyed after a security guard drew eyes on faceless figures depicted in the artwork. On...
We Need Common Sense Pie Control!
By Tom White on December 10, 2022
GREENVILLE, South Carolina, Apr 15, 2022 - Police in Greenville, South Carolina, have charged Andre Eugene Moore-Gerald with third-degree assault and...
Honest Officer, I didn’t know that it was whiskey. I thought it was a dog toy.
By Tom White on November 27, 2022
Jack Daniels has petitioned the Supreme Court to rule on its dispute with the maker of a dog chew toy that...
New York Rats Out of Control? Call Rat Czar!
By Tom White on December 3, 2022
New York Mayor Eric Adams wants to pay someone up to $170,000 per year to be the city's new rat czar....
We need common sense bee control. Woman assaults officers with swarm of angry bees.
By Tom White on November 19, 2022
LONGMEADOW, Massachusetts – Oct 20. 2022 A woman stands accused of unleashing a hive of angry bees on deputies trying to...
Mann beißt Hund (Man bites Dog)
By Tom White on November 11, 2022
BERLIN, Oct 14, 2022 — Officers were called to a dispute between two 29-year-old men and a 35-year-old woman in the...
Man Robs Bank with Demand Note Written on Back of His Own Birth Certificate
By Tom White on November 28, 2022
A Missouri man committed a bank robbery with a demand note on the back of his own birth certificate, while wearing...
Man dances on top of truck. Truck goes under bridge. Dance ends abruptly.
By Tom White on November 19, 2022
A man in Houston who was dancing atop an 18-wheeler as it traveled down a freeway died on Tuesday morning when...
Party known for dead voters elects dead candidate
By Tom White on November 19, 2022
Democrat Anthony “Tony” DeLuca, one month dead, was re-elected in a landslide in November's mid-term election for Pennsylvania state representative. Read...
Honest Chief Inspector, rats ate 440 pounds of evidence.
By Tom White on November 27, 2022
Police in India blamed rats for destroying nearly 200kg (440lb) of cannabis held in evidence storage and kept in police stations....