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Funny Christmas Quotes

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” ― George Carlin

“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.”—Shirley Temple

“A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.” – Garrison Keillor, Leaving Home

“The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.” ― Jay Leno

“What kind of Christmas present would Jesus ask Santa for?” ― Salman Rushdie, Fury

“Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies!” ― Francis P. Church

“Next to a circus there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears out any quicker than the Christmas spirit” ― Kin Hubbard, American cartoonist, humorist, and journalist.

“I stood for almost an hour in a line of shuffling, bitter – eyed late mailers (Christmas is such a carefree, low – pressure time – that’s one of the things I love about it)” ― Stephen King

“The Little Drummer Boy” was playing in the background for what seemed like the third time in a row. I fought off an urge to beat that Little Drummer Boy senseless with his own drumsticks.” ― Dana Reinhardt, How to Build a House


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